There's a positive in every bad experience




The late nineties was a bad time of my life. I met a monster, married it — and two years on I was going through a messy divorce. At the time it was a high price I paid for making such a bad life decision.

But now? I’m quite glad to be able to say ‘Yeah I’ve been through a divorce. It was fun, NOT!’

A negative experience contributes to our overall good in the long term. All manner of bad experiences from petty arguments through to bereavement can all be put down to experience — something that builds our character and strength.

Having this view on negative experiences gives you the emotional intelligence to control your reactions to the negative experience in the instant they occur.

You’ve just bumped the car quite hard in a car park; there’s a spreading of glass and the other bloke is out of his car waving his hands. Your heart rate increases, several thoughts shoot through your mind in quick succession (usually overreactive thoughts covering phenomenal detail in a matter of seconds — write off? Increased premiums? Is this bloke ‘gonna wanna fight’?

When we tune our brains to recognise that these negative experiences are part of life and all are generally reconciled far quicker and easier than thought, then we can stay calm in the moment and deal with it in a proactive and rational manner.

Sure enough, after 2–3 minutes the other bloke’s shoulders have dropped and you’re both laughing it off. Fast forward 2 weeks and the car’s fixed and your car park showdown is a forgotten memory.

But it’s also a scenario you can now say you have experienced and you’re that bit more knowledgeable about something — even if it’s a negative something. You can speak authoritatively on crashing a car. And you’re now more careful in car parks.

Granted, there are more complex experiences with a greater level of negative impact — bereavement, accidents, health, a lengthy court case (the list is extensive) can all have a much greater initial impact such that the onward effect is more impacting and longer lasting — these will take longer to reconcile and for this reason may carry greater negative weight — but still you can consider that you have experienced something that others may have not — and this gives you that extra authority on the matter. As well as a slight positive edge on what was likely a traumatic experience.

On reflection though, I still wish I’d been a smarter thinker and avoided that divorce in the first place!

Can you relate to any bad experiences which you now consider character building?

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